Just so there's no misunderstanding, I love "Pride and Prejudice".
The Unadventures of Mary Sue Flowershine (1096 words)
“There she is,” said a fake-tanned blonde, standing in a little group of friends. “The new girl.”
Mary Sue kept her head down, letting her soft shiny brown hair swing forward to hide her pensive face with its snowy skin and unfathomable green eyes. She had been dreading her first day in the new sixth form. So far she’d made it to lunch.
“What has she got on?” asked another girl. “I mean, who wears ankle-length skirts?”
“Someone more interesting than you,” said a male voice, thoughtfully.
Mary Sue didn’t dare turn her head to see who was speaking. She’d find out soon enough. She strode purposefully on her long legs out of the college gates and down into the town.
It was a typical new town; its heart was tied into a tedious little circle inside a ring road, fenced around with red-brick insurance offices hemming in a shopping mall. Where were were the woods and fields that she spent hours wandering, composing poetry, her soul soothed by the scent of grass and whisper of leaves? No gentle deer here to come to her hand. She lingered in front of a florist and gazed through the window at the deep red roses, severed from their roots.
“Are you lost?” said a familiar male voice.
“Yes. And no,” said Mary Sue. A tall, slim boy with silver blond hair and glacier blue eyes stood looking down at her. He wore a leather jacket and black jeans.
“You are interesting,” he said. “But you look sad,” he said.
Mary Sue blinked back tears. Why did her father have to die? Why did her mother have to move to this miserable town? And why did her life have to be like this?
“I... ”
A screech of brakes, a girl’s shriek and a thump drowned out her voice. Mary Sue sped towards the noise. The fake-tanned blonde was lying on the pavement, bleeding from her thigh. Her friends huddled around, screaming and crying.
“One of you phone an ambulance,” said Mary Sue, tearing a strip from the bottom of her skirt to bind the blonde’s leg.
The girls gawped at her.
“You heard her,” said the boy. He gazed at Mary Sue over the prone blonde. “I’m Xavier," he said. "I’d like to see you again. Under less extreme circumstances.”
”That would be nice.”
“Th – thank you,” stammered the blonde. “You helped me. None of my so-called friends did.”
”That’s what I do. Apparently,” sighed Mary Sue.
#
After Xavier’s tragic death on their wedding night, Mary Sue moved to the big city. On her very first day, she came out of a coffee shop and bumped into a man running down the street. They were both knocked to the ground and covered in a fountain of hot cappuccino. The man sprang up with supernatural speed, and helped her to her feet. He was tall, with long black hair pulled into a ponytail, and bright green eyes over angular cheekbones.
He looked her up and down. “There’s something about you,” he said. “Can you run?”
Mary Sue shrugged. She’d always been fast on her feet, although she never trained.
“Then help me. I’m chasing someone. Well, something. You go that way. We’ll trap it in the alley.”
Mary Sue ran, dodging pedestrians and cars and blurring past windows, with bemused shoppers gawking out. She cut round the city block to the other end of the narrow passage.
Something huge, green and slimy slashed a claw at her. Mary Sue leapt aside, and threw the remainder of her hot coffee, still clutched in her hand, in the creature’s eyes. It howled and writhed.
The tall man appeared from the other end of the alley and drew a sword from beneath his black leather trenchcoat. With one swift blow, he struck off the creature’s head.
“I could use an assistant with your... talents,” he said, green eyes sparkling. He held out his hand. “Arial Bold. Private Investigator. Amongst other things.”
Mary Sue shook hands.
”Well, how about it?” he said. “Do you want the job? It’ll be exciting.” His eyes smouldered with unspoken promises.
“Let’s see,” said Mary Sue.
#
She and Arial parted, heartbroken. A chance discovery revealed her daemon heritage, and with his elven blood, a moment of ecstasy between them would have killed them both. She moved back to the quiet little village where her mother still lived, and where she’d wandered the woods as a girl. She applied as an assistant in the bakery. The baker said she’d never seen such light fingers with pastry. Mary Sue sighed, but took the job.
The first morning she was working there, the door opened with a merry jingle, and a tall, handsome man with sad brown eyes came in, holding the hands of two little blonde girls.
“How can I help you today?” asked Mary Sue, waving at the girls. “Are you looking for something sweet?”
“Do you have anything that will tempt me?” said the man, raising an eyebrow. “A wholemeal loaf. And two chocolate cookies for my girls.”
Mary Sue danced the cookies over the counter and the girls giggled.
When he’d gone, the other assistant Becky rushed up. “Do you know who that was? That’s Darcy Huntingdon-Black, from the manor. It’s so sad, his wife died two years ago. He’s very rich, but terribly haughty. He almost smiled at you.”
“Oh great hairy arses on fire,” said Mary Sue. She took off her apron and threw it on the floor. “I’m not going through all that again.”
“But where are you going?” said Becky.
“Back to the city. I’m going to get a job as a sales executive and be bad at it and be bored out of my mind. I’m going to screw up an account and be reprimanded and be terrified that I’m going to get fired, because then I’ll have to go and look for another shitty job that I don’t want. I’m going to get unattractively drunk and in that state I’m going to finally get laid, probably by a bloke from marketing who farts and forgets my birthday and cheats on me. Maybe if I get lucky I’ll find out what I actually like doing, meet some women who have their own lives, and be best friends with the IT guy who’s totally right for me if only I’d notice.”
She left, slamming the door behind her.
“Wow,” said Becky. “She’s right. Why let our lives be defined by men?” She sighed. “I wish I was more like Mary Sue.”
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