The Lego catalogue has a rather splendid troll warship, but everywhere the trolls are mentioned in the description, they are "evil trolls". Seems a bit unfair to slap that label on an entire mythical race just because you only hear about the club-happy ones.
Fantasy Date (718 words)
Remember, you have three minutes for each date. I’ll ring the bell when your time is up. Ladies and gentlemen, take your seats.
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You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re a troll. What are you doing here?
I crossed the border some time ago to -
I mean here in this room.
The invitation was made to all the fey in London. We too are part of the fey.
Yeah, the big, green tusky part.
I have heard tell of the courtliness of elves. It is justly famed.
Do you know the hot chick on the next table? She looks like my type.
Yes. Jenny took the fancy of the King, once. She is also green, all the way to her teeth. She would eat you for breakfast.
Heh. If she was lucky. I might even stick around for breakfast with that one.
Do you like to read?
What?
We have three minutes. We may as well pass the time in conversation.
I don’t know. I don’t really... Hey, are you vetting me?
I have not spoken to another fey in some time. You do not wish to talk?
Have you seen me? What else do you need to know?
Sigh. What brand of shampoo do you use?
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Ladies keep your places. Gentlemen, move one table widdershins.
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I’ve never done this before.
Your first time? I will do my best to help you enjoy it.
I’m an ogre. You can probably tell. Heard you trolls can see straight through a glamour.
That is tr –
You won’t get any nonsense from me. I’ll come straight out with it. So, what are you doing over here?
I came to get away –
On holiday eh? I’m here on business myself. Import and export. I spend one month here, one month back home. I’ve got a big castle out in the Wildwood, acres of land, plenty of servants. I’m looking for a woman to share it all with me, someone I can spoil. All the dresses and shoes and shopping you want, never have to lift a finger. Got to be better than lurking around under a damp old bridge.
I live in Balham. In a studio fla–
Got any hobbies? I like to run. Won the seven leagues race five years in a row now, got the medals to prove it. A healthy lass like you doesn’t want a slob, eh?
I like origam–
Healthy body makes for a healthy mind. It’s all about the regimen. Early to rise, and a good diet. None of that fee fi fo nonsense with the state of humans these days. Far too much fast food, full of saturated fat. What you want is lean organic chicken breast, plenty of fruit and veg. Now, what else do you need to know about me?
I am sure you will tell me. There is nothing like good conversat–
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Gentlemen, move on.
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Well met, my Lady.
Well met, sir phooka. Is not the city too tame a place for you?
I have never favoured freezing my assets on a lonely mountain top. I heard there were many fey in the city. I came here seeking – something.
I believe we have met before. You wore a different form then.
I did not think you would remember.
I would not forget such a service. The King will bed whom he wishes and I did not wish to be dosed in my sleep with tincture of pansy. Your warning gave me a choice. I chose to come here.
You would have been in love, and happy.
Deliriously so, I believe. Dose an indifferent other and he is your slave. Dose yourself and burn with passion for your comfortable, dull husband. An instant remedy to all problems of the heart. I wonder why I do not trust it.
It is no reflection on your charms to say that the King’s butterfly fancy has flitted elsewhere. So why do you stay?
Sushi.
I do not understand.
It is raw fish, prepared in the Eastern style. Also, action movies, with many explosions. Broadband connection. The Tate Modern. And the city itself. It has its own life and character. There is much to explore.
I look forward to exploring the secrets and hidden places.
But not until our third date.
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